


Craving

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Times, M/M, Other: See Story Notes, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:06:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair's evasive behavior causes concern.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Craving

## Craving

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

Author's disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Blair's evasive behavior causes concern. 

Notes: Thanks to Jenn aka XFreak for her constant support. This was first printed in YOUR KINK OR MINE published by ANGELWINGS PRESS. 

Warnings: This story contains biting and blood play. 

* * *

Craving  
by Grey 

Leaning forward, Jim cleaned the mist off the mirror before raking the blade up his neck along the final row of tough morning whiskers. Rinsing off the leftover lather, he splashed more cool water across his tingling skin. Just as he reached for a towel, he heard the groan and stopped moving. Another similar sound brought him out of the bathroom to knock on Blair's door. "Hey, Chief. You okay in there?" 

Several seconds passed before the familiar voice answered, "I'm fine, man. Go away. It's Saturday." 

"I know what day it is, Sandburg, but it's after ten and we're supposed to meet Simon at noon at the gym to go over the charity basketball schedule." 

"Fuck." The muffled reply didn't escape sentinel senses. 

"Come on, Chief. What's going on?" 

A few moments later, a rumpled young man opened the door, still dressed in his clothes from the night before. He shook his head and opened bloodshot eyes, his pale face surrounded by wild, fuzzy curls. "Man, I forgot all about that." 

"Jesus, you look like hell. What time did you get in last night?" 

"This morning. Don't worry about it. When you're done in the bathroom, let me know. I need a shower. Bad." 

"Tell me about it. I'm dialed almost to zero and you're still making an impression here." He refrained from adding that the reek of stale sex singed his nostrils and twisted his stomach. Avoiding the thought of his partner and sex in the same sentence made for a challenging Ellison past time lately. 

Blair ignored his humor as he frowned and turned back to his room. He eased down on the edge of the bed and dropped his face to his hands, his movements stiff and careful. "Sorry, man. I've just got this headache." 

"Want some aspirin?" 

"Failing merciful decapitation, sure." 

Still dressed only in his jeans and tank top, Jim retrieved the pills and some water. He waited until his friend drank it all down before asking, "So, did you party too much with Sam last night or is this an exhaustion thing you've got going? I know it's been a really tough few weeks between the university and the station." 

"It's just a headache, Jim." 

"You've had a lot of those lately. Maybe you need new glasses or something." 

"Or something, but for now, I'll settle for a hot shower and some strong coffee." 

"Coffee's already done, and the shower's free. Go ahead. I'll fix some breakfast. Eggs and toast okay?" 

"I'm not hungry. Just coffee this morning." 

"You need to eat, Chief." 

"I said I'm not hungry." 

Without waiting for another comment, Blair stood up and walked past him to the bathroom. Jim heard the sound of his friend relieving himself and then the start of the shower right before another soft groan, the kind of complaint one tried to avoid making out loud but couldn't quite stop completely. 

Something wasn't right, but he wouldn't ask again. His partner no longer told him all his business. Alex Barnes saw to that. And for that, along with the attempted murder, he hated her even more, more than he ever thought possible. 

Sentinel or not, she'd stolen more than just his confidence. She'd broken his partner's trust, his willingness to believe in Jim's faith and loyalty. Nothing he said in apology or explanation now changed that. Swallowing back his guilt, he headed upstairs and prayed the day would get better, a prayer that always included finding enough strength to tell his partner the truth about his craving to be closer. 

* * *

"So, what do you think, Jim? You think Vice can hold its own against IA or should we put them up against Records? Those guys are pretty tough for desk jockeys." Simon Banks studied his clipboard, his cigar reeking even in the open air of the downtown gym. He looked up when he didn't get an answer. "Jim?" 

"What?" 

"You listening?" 

"To what?" 

"Shit." 

Jim turned at his captain's frustrated voice and shrugged, his eyes still wandering back to his partner out on the floor. Blair didn't move as fast or as efficiently as he usually did. His left shoulder obviously bothered him, a free hand nursing it after every play and sometimes in between shots. 

"I'm sorry, sir. What were you saying?" 

"Listen, if you don't want to help out, I can do this on my own. It's not that hard to do. I just wanted another person for people to blame when they saw the final pairings." The attempt at humor fell flat and Simon stepped closer. "So, what's going on? You've been acting funny ever since you got here." 

Jim crossed his arms and used his head to motion to the court. "Does Sandburg seem like he's hurt to you?" 

Simon followed his detective's gaze and studied the young man running for a lay up. "Hurt? Hurt how? Looks okay to me. He's got more points than anyone else right now." 

"I'm not talking about his game. He's not moving like he usually does. And does he look tired to you?" 

"What are you, his mother?" 

"His partner, and you didn't answer my question." 

Simon shook his head and took several more puffs of cigar, hoping the gym guard would ignore the non-smoking violation by a police captain a while longer. "You worry too much. Sandburg's fine." 

"Is he? I mean, look how he holds his shoulder." 

"So he pulled a muscle. Let it go and help me with this line up. The games are tomorrow and I have to get this done. Jackson in Records is a piss ant about details." 

"Then put the team from Records up against IA like you said. Seems like a good pairing." 

"Think so?" 

"Yeah, they're both pains in the ass. It'll be a match made in heaven." 

Simon frowned and took Jim's arm to guide him closer to the wall, away from the distraction of play. "What's going on, Jim? We do this thing every year and it brings in a hell of a lot of money, money that we actually get to use for some good for a change. You're usually into it. So, why the sudden lack of interest?" 

Sighing, Jim braced his back against the concrete wall and met the concerned eyes. "I'm just a little distracted." 

"No kidding. What's going on between you and Sandburg?" 

"Nothing." 

"Don't lie. You've been surly as hell lately and he's not been much better. You, I'm used to, but the kid usually buffers your attitude. Now he's got one of his own. As your friend here, I'll ask again. What's going on between you and Sandburg?" 

"What do you want me to say, Simon? It's not the same between us." 

Simon nodded and leaned against the wall next to Jim, his voice still the steady gruff voice he knew so well. "Did you really expect it to be?" 

"Well, I hoped we could get past it." 

"Jim, Blair almost died at that fountain. I still get nightmares thinking about it." 

"Me, too." 

"I'll bet." Simon glanced back up at Blair taking another shot at the basket and making the points. "Look, give it some more time. I'm sure he's got some things to sort out. You two were still having some problems after Mexico. The way you acted with the Barnes woman, well, I have to admit it pissed me off and she didn't even try to murder my ass." 

"I know." Swallowing hard, he added softly, "I never said it wasn't my fault." 

"And I never said it was all your fault, either. From where I stood, you both made some pretty poor judgments. Add in Blair's near-death experience, well, it's bound to stir up some problems. He'll work it out. Give him some time." 

"I'm trying. He keeps shutting me out." 

"Jim, I'm not going to pretend I know what demons the kid has dancing in his head. Plenty, if he's like the rest of us, maybe even more after what happened. The thing is, I don't think he's used to dealing with all the anger this thing with Barnes is bound to have caused. I mean, we get pissed, we go out and arrest somebody. What can he do? Mark an essay? He's working through it, but you've just got to be more patient." 

"Patience is not my strong suit." 

"No shit." Simon slapped a hand on Jim's shoulder and smiled, his voice playful but his words serious. "Tell me if I'm wrong here, but when it comes to Sandburg, you'll wait as long as you have to." 

"Of course, I'll wait. He's my partner." 

"Yeah, I know." 

Staring out, Jim remained quiet until he witnessed his friend take a hard body slam during his shot. Blair remained on his feet, but just barely. Jim and Simon both rushed on the court just as the two men faced off with a storm of curses and fists. Blair ducked and then landed the first punch, but couldn't move fast enough to avoid the restraining grab from behind while the captain held back the other player. The rest of the team mates stepped to the side, all eyes riveted to the new action. 

"Settle down, Chief." 

"Get the fuck off me." 

"Not until you promise to behave." The struggle continued, but Blair couldn't break the secure hold despite the unexpected strength of his movements. 

Across from both of them, Simon released the other player who complained while rubbing his jaw. " Son of bitch hit me." 

Jim held on even tighter as Blair lunged forward. He worked fast to keep his grip, to pin the arms down, and to defuse the situation. "Yeah I saw that, Grady, but I also saw you slam him first during the play." 

"Yeah, well, I was just playing, man, not trying to break any bones or shit. What's his problem?" 

"You, you asshole. You've been headhunting ever since we started. I've had enough of you dogging my ass." Renewing his struggle, Blair hissed as he tried to break free. "Let me go, damn it." 

"Promise not to pull another Tyson act?" 

"I said let go." 

"Promise first." 

"Shit." Reluctantly he nodded, his eyes and body tense but still. 

Slowly he eased his grip, his flesh warm from the residual heat left from close contact. "You okay?" 

"I'm fine." The words snapped out, the anger pushing each one. "I need some air." Without making eye contact with anyone, Blair left, grabbing his backpack before slamming out the double doors to the street. 

Simon patted Grady's back and waved the other men away. "Go on, you guys. Show's over. Go take a shower." 

Grady hesitated before he spoke. "I'm sorry, Captain. I swear, I was just practicing. I never knew the little guy had such a short fuse." 

Simon put his hand in the middle of Jim's chest as he moved forward and spoke before his detective could. "That _little_ guy is one of my men, officer. Don't want you to forget that." 

"But he's not a real cop." 

"He's more a real cop than you are, Grady. Sandburg's right. You are an asshole." 

"Shut up, Jim. Tempers are a little high here." Simon's warning expression stilled his next words as his captain continued. "Now, get out of here, Grady, and save the attitude for the game tomorrow and not your comrades. Am I making myself clear?" 

"Yes, sir." Looking across to Jim, he spoke more evenly, the anger drained from the words. "I'm sorry, man. I know he's your partner. I didn't mean anything personal." 

Jim turned away without answering and walked back to the side of the gym, Simon right behind him. After a few moments, Simon asked, "What the hell are we going to do about Sandburg?" 

Closing his eyes, he visualized his partner's shoulder, the skin accidentally exposed while he restrained him. In his mind he saw the bruises and the fresh bite mark, the wound red and swollen at the edges. Shaking his head, he whispered, "I don't know." 

"Well, first we should figure out what's really going on with him." 

"Yeah, and that's a hell of a lot more than a bad attitude." 

* * *

He let Blair's cellphone number continue to ring as he walked down the station hallway. As he reached the lab entrance, he cut the connection and walked in to find a dark-haired woman sitting alone filling out paperwork. "Hey, Sam." 

Turning, she smiled, her face surprised. "Hi, Jim. What are you doing here on a Saturday? I thought all you senior Major Crime guys got all the good schedules." 

"Well, sometimes we come in to see how the other half lives." 

"Yeah, right." She glanced around behind him and frowned. "So, where's Blair?" 

"He had some other things to do, but he's sort of why I'm here." 

Crossing her arms, she leaned back on the counter as her brown eyes studied him a moment. "What's going on?" 

Suddenly nervous, he found it hard to make eye contact. "I was wondering if you knew if anything was bothering him lately." 

"Bothering him? Like what?" 

"I don't know. I mean, you saw him last night. Did he say anything to you about being upset?" 

Samantha held up a hand and tilted her head as she spoke. "Wait a minute, Jim. I think we've got some kind of problem already." 

"Why?" 

"I wasn't with Blair last night." 

"What?" Stunned, Jim tried to keep a neutral expression on his face, but found clenching his jaw much easier. 

"The fact is I haven't been out with him since right after he got back from Mexico." 

"You're kidding. That was over a month ago." 

Frowning, she stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her lab coat. "Why did you think he was with me.? Did he tell you that?" 

Swallowing hard, he replayed all the conversations where Blair went along with his comments about seeing Sam. A slow anger flushed his skin as he realized the lies of omission. "No, I just sort of assumed you were the one. He never really denied it, either." 

The young woman sat down on a stool and played with the edges of the forms. After a few moments, she spoke softly but still didn't look up. "After what happened with the drowning, Blair was different." 

"He almost died." 

"I know that, but this was about something else. I don't know what." 

Stepping closer, his cop instincts telling him that his partner's ex-girlfriend knew more, he pressed harder. "Come on, Sam. This is important. I'm worried about him." 

She looked up, her eyes a little too bright. "I know. I was, too. He scared me." 

"Scared you how?" 

"I can't tell you all of it. That's up to Blair, but he was so angry. Anybody could see that. And that wasn't like him. It was like he didn't know what to do with all that energy. One night I thought he was going to hit me when I told him he really needed to see somebody about it." 

"Blair wouldn't hit a woman." 

"I know. But I've never seen him so mad, and he did put his fist through my bathroom door." 

"You're kidding." 

"No, I'm not kidding." 

He remembered the night, a week after Mexico when his partner returned with his hand bandaged, an accident with a slammed door the explanation. Samantha's voice interrupted his thoughts as she continued. "He apologized and I wrapped it up." She hesitated a moment, but added, "And then we went to bed, and well, I'm not going to say anything else, except he needed something I couldn't give him." 

Before he could pressure her to say more, she stood up and put up a hand. "Don't even bother, Jim. You want to know what's up with Blair, ask him. He's your partner. If he doesn't trust you enough to tell you or ask for help, there's not much you or I can do about it." 

"Ask for help with what?" 

"Look, just go talk to him, but please, don't tell him I said anything." 

"But you haven't said anything." 

"Yes, I have, and if you were listening closely enough, you'd know that." She picked up two files and started to leave before adding, "I hope you two work this out. I really do still care about him." 

As the doors closed behind her, Jim shook his head, more confused and a hell of a lot more worried than when he got there. 

* * *

Pacing in front of the windows, Jim looked at his watch once again and fought down the urge to call Simon. Blair left the gym after one o'clock and ten hours later failed to appear, either at home or his office. Just as he reached for the phone, the key turned in the lock. Before he could stop himself, he barked, "Where the hell have you been, Sandburg?" 

"Some place I didn't stay long enough apparently." Turning to leave, Jim stepped forward and touched Blair's shoulder to stop him, the body heat burning through the cloth. Whirling around as he jerked away, the younger man snapped, "Don't touch me, man." 

Pulling back, Jim put up both his hands in a backing off gesture. "I'm sorry. Just don't leave." 

He hesitated a moment, but finally, he nodded. "Okay, but I'm sick of being manhandled." 

"Sure. I understand that." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. Come on in, Chief. I've been worried sick about you." 

Frowning, he pushed back his hair and then finally shut the door. Without speaking, he stepped to his room and dropped his backpack on the bed. "I didn't mean to worry you, man. I just had some things to work out." 

"What kind of things?" 

"Personal things, so don't ask." 

The strength of the defensive tone startled him, but he contained his reaction. "No problem. So, did you eat any supper?" 

"I wasn't hungry." 

"You didn't eat breakfast or lunch, either." 

Looking puzzled, Blair glanced up. "I didn't?" 

"No. You had some coffee this morning, and you left the gym before we went for burgers." 

He shrugged, his voice tired. "Doesn't matter. I'm still not hungry." He stepped to the refrigerator, opened it, and got a beer for himself before going to sit on the couch. The air around him shimmered from the extra heat he carried. 

"Chief, you're running a fever." 

"Yeah, I know. I'd probably still be walking around if I didn't feel like shit. After the blow up at the gym, I just wanted to clear my head, you know?" 

"And did you?" 

"Did I what?" 

"Clear your head." Jim sat on the arm rest at the end of the sofa, watching his friend's stiff movements. 

"No, not really. I calmed down though. Grady has it in for me for some reason. He kept fouling me on purpose." 

"I saw that. Still, I've never seen you go off like that before. Usually you just shrug it off and go on." 

"Yeah, well maybe I'm sick of getting slammed for no reason. It gets old." 

"Yeah, it does. I'm not faulting you for it. I probably would've tried kicking his ass sooner. It's just that's more an Ellison move than a Sandburg special." Blair took a drink and then rubbed his forehead, but didn't answer. 

Sliding off the side arm onto the couch, Jim settled in before he continued talking. "So, any idea about why you have a fever, headaches, and no appetite lately?" 

"Just lucky I guess." 

"I'm not kidding." 

"I'm not, either. Leave it alone. I'm just a little under the weather. Might be a virus or something." 

Recognition of a familiar faint scent kicked in. "Or an infection?" 

Startled, Blair met his eyes. "What are you talking about, man?" 

"I can smell it on you. You've got an infection somewhere. You need to see a doctor and get some antibiotics. You might even want to get that bite on your shoulder stitched up so it doesn't scar so badly." He said it so calmly and with such control that it surprised him that Blair stood up as if he'd been struck, his face twisted with anger. 

"Son of a bitch. You've been spying on me." 

"No, I haven't. I saw the bite this afternoon when I was keeping you from becoming a Major Crimes statistic." 

"Shit." He turned to the window, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his back to Jim. "I've been so careful." 

"Not careful enough if you've gotten an infection." 

"I'm not talking about that. Besides, it's not that bad." 

"It is that bad, or you wouldn't have a fever and feel like shit. And, as for being careful, what are you saying, that you were careful about hiding it from me?" 

Blair turned to face him, but hostility still tainted his words. "It's none of your business." 

"I think you're wrong. You're my partner and if you're taking chances, then it is my business." 

"I'm not taking chances." 

Forcing himself to remain seated, Jim crossed his arms and met the challenging eyes. "What do you call it then? Unless you were attacked and didn't tell me, you let someone do that do you. So, were you mugged or beaten without letting me in on it?" 

"No, I wasn't attacked and anything else is private." 

Leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands extended, Jim watched his friend while he spoke quietly. "Look, Blair, I'm your friend here. I'm not asking you this to get some kind of cheap thrill. I'm worried about you." 

"I'm a grown man, Jim. I can do what I want." 

"I know that." 

Blair slumped down in the chair opposite Jim, and held his left arm close to his body, the discomfort in his shoulder obvious. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, his voice no longer biting each syllable. "Then why do I feel so guilty?" 

"I can't answer that, but I can take a guess." 

"Yeah? You a shrink now, too?" 

"No, but I'm a cop who worked vice. I saw some things, some pretty dark things, that make me a little more qualified at guessing than some people you might talk to." 

Sitting a little straighter, Blair refocused on Jim. "You don't talk about those days much. How come?" 

"Because they weren't very good days. I didn't like myself very much then, which pretty much put me in the majority. Not many other people liked me, either." 

"And that was because?" 

"Most people didn't like me because I was a hardass son of a bitch. I didn't like myself because I was a hypocrite." 

Shifting uncomfortably, Blair frowned. "Hypocrite?" 

"Yeah. I was going undercover arresting people for doing things I either did myself or things I wanted to do. Seemed pretty rotten to me, so I just pretended it didn't matter and stayed pissed most of the time." 

"Is that why you transferred to Major Crimes?" 

Jim smiled at the question, but not in amusement. "I didn't transfer voluntarily, Chief. Vice didn't want me, and Simon sure as hell didn't, either." 

"I don't get it." 

"In Vice I made a lot of collars, sure, but I let as many perps go as I ended up arresting. Somehow I couldn't bring someone in for getting his rocks off the hard way, even if he did have to pay for it. My captain found out and sent me over to Simon." 

"The hard way?" 

"Yeah, you know about the hard way, Chief. I'm talking about being beaten or roughed up to get off, or in your case I'm thinking you need to be bitten." 

Blair stiffened slightly as he answered. "You don't have a clue about what I need or don't need, so leave it alone. Just tell me what happened when you came from Vice." 

Jim shrugged, not daunted by his friend's stubborn resistance. "Simon thought I had a nasty attitude problem, which I did, and assigned me to Jack." 

"Jack Pendergrast?" The name of the dead partner came out soft, padded with reverence. 

"Yeah. He helped me straighten out, made me see that I needed to trust someone if I was going to survive as a cop." 

"And when he disappeared?" 

"You know what happened, Chief. I climbed back in my hardass loner's costume until you came along." He took a deep breath before he continued, weighing his words carefully. "So, when I say it's important to trust your partner and friend, I know what I'm talking about." 

Blair looked down at his hands, his face tight with indecision. "I know how important trust is, Jim. When you told me you needed a partner you could trust, it hurt like hell to think that person wasn't me anymore." 

"God." Jim stood up and walked over to the chair, his body shaking. He kneeled and took Blair's left hand, drawing it closer to him and forcing the younger man to meet his eyes. He waited to see a reaction, to have the hand slap his face and jerk away, but that never happened. Instead, he recognized the mix of confusion and hope and decided to finally take a risk far greater than exchanging gunfire. 

"I'm sorry about everything that happened back then. I don't know how else to say it or what else to do to convince you I was out of my head at the time. Just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it." 

Resting his forehead on the clasped hands, he whispered, "I'm miserable with us like this, Chief. I don't have a clue about how to make it better, to get it back to what it was before Alex ever happened." 

A hand petted his head, strong fingers playing with his thin hair. The magical voice that soothed him played at his ears. "Who says it needs to be the same, Jim? To be honest, I wasn't all that happy with the way things were before." 

He lifted his face to meet Blair's sad expression, the blue eyes slightly cloudy with fever. "I don't understand." 

"I know you don't, which is part of the problem." Hands remained together while he spoke, his eyes never wavering from Jim's. "I guess if I'm honest, that's mostly my fault. My feelings for you changed so much and it seemed like the more I cared about you, the more you changed and pushed me away." 

"I never meant to do that." 

"But you did. And so when you say you want it to be like it was before Alex, that's not good enough for me anymore." 

"You're losing me here, Chief. I'm still not getting what you're saying." He squeezed his partner's hand while he spoke, his fear's taunting gibberish getting louder. 

"For the last month I've been so choked off with my own anger, I didn't know what to do, either. At first I convinced myself that I was pissed at you, pissed that you were such a dickhead with Alex. But, I know now, that this has nothing to do with that. I'm angry at me." Blair paused a minute, looked away, and then continued with the slightest tremor of syllables. "I hate being pissed, man. Hate it. I don't know what to do with it. I mean, I got so angry with myself for sticking around when I figured things were just getting worse between us, but I couldn't make myself leave either. I just couldn't. And then I'd get furious all over again for being such a coward." 

His throat closed over his words, but he forced himself to speak, the ache near spasm. "You really wanted to leave me?" 

"I couldn't leave you." 

"But you wanted to?" 

Meeting his eyes again, caressing the side of his face with his free hand, he whispered, "I figured it was the only way I'd ever be free." 

"Free?" 

"Free to be in love with you and still survive the fact that you could never love me the same way. I finally realized I'd never be able to have what I really wanted with you. And I hated myself for blaming you for not being able to give it to me." 

Stunned, Jim shook his head, his mouth open a few extra seconds before he grabbed enough air to speak. "God, are you saying you wanted to leave me because you're in love with me?" 

"Something like that, yeah." 

"Jesus, Chief." He stood up, his eyes closed as he rubbed his face hard several times before his hoarse voice finally worked. "I don't know who's more crazy here, you or me. I've wanted to say that for so long, but ever since the fountain, I've been afraid. I thought you hated me. Shit." 

"I could never hate you, Jim." 

The soft voice netted his heart and drew him back to his knees by the chair. Once again, taking his partner's hand, he kissed the palm and promised. "And from now on, I'm never going to give you reason to change that." 

* * *

Instead of going upstairs to kisses and wild passion, the two men lay together quietly on the sofa. Blair leaned back against his chest, his eyes closed, one of Jim's arms anchored around his middle. Only a few candles lit the room, but he didn't need them to see the stark and exotic beauty of his companion. Jim let the heat of contact wash through his body as he drank in the extra fulfillment of barely touching his fingers to the outer fringes of curls. Despite his desire not to break the spell of connection, he couldn't drive away the worry teasing his mind. The fever played through his guide's body, the smell of infection more intense. He needed to check the wound even if Blair wanted to hide it, to pretend it never happened. 

"Chief?" 

"Uhm?" 

"It's getting late. We need to go to bed." 

"I'm in bed. It's a nice bed, too, man." He snuggled his ass a little closer and took a deep satisfied breath. 

Laughing lightly, Jim kissed the top of his head. "Yeah, but I want to clean up that bite, maybe give you some aspirin for the fever. If it's not better by morning, we'll see a doctor." 

When Blair's muscles flexed and signaled his rise, Jim held on tight with both arms. "Let go, man." 

"Stay still for a minute and listen." 

"I don't want to listen. Nothing ever fucking changes with you." His words struck the air, but he didn't try to break free again. Instead, he settled back against him. "You're just so damn stubborn. Why can't you just leave it alone?" 

His voice steady, both arms locked around his partner's waist, he spoke quietly. "I can't leave it alone because I love you." 

Several long moments passed before he finally answered. "I hate you seeing it." 

"Why?" 

"You know why." 

"Yeah, probably, but tell me why anyway." 

Turning in his arms, his good shoulder burrowed against him and his face resting over his heart, he spoke in a whisper. "It didn't mean anything, not like it's supposed to." 

"Do I know her?" 

"No. She's a waitress I met. Sarah." 

"Why did you let me keep thinking it was Sam?" 

"It was just easier, and I'm not even going to ask how you know it wasn't, because knowing you, you went and asked, right?" 

"Yeah, well, I was worried, so sue me. Get pissed if you want, but Sam was worried, too." 

"I know." A slight shiver ran through his body, and Jim hugged harder. "I guess she told you about what happened?" 

"She said you attacked her door without any just cause, but she didn't say much else. Just that she still cares for you." 

"Nothing else?" 

"Not really." 

"Damn." Blair lifted his head and stared up into Jim's face. "Your heart just beat a lot faster. You're lying." 

He tenderly touched the tense face, the combination of heat and whiskers burning his fingers. "She just said she couldn't give you what you needed. I didn't know what she meant at the time." 

Swallowing hard, Blair whispered, "But you do now?" 

"She knew you loved me." 

Settling back down, Blair rubbed his forehead across Jim's chest before relaxing. "Yeah, Sam's pretty bright. She sort of figured it out." 

"Brighter than me then, huh?" 

"Way brighter." The little tease got a short squeeze and a smile. A few seconds later, his voice deepened as his words became more serious. "But there was something else, Jim." 

"What?" 

"It was pretty ugly." 

"Tell me." 

"I tried to explain what I wanted, what I still want. I mean, Sam's pretty open. We fought a lot, but in the bedroom, well, we were always compatible." 

Jim cleared his throat, forcing back the surge of jealousy running up through him. A soft pat and rub on his belly came with the next words. "I'm sorry, man. This must be hard to hear, but I have to say it." 

"It's okay, Chief. I asked you to tell me." 

"I know, but asking and actually hearing aren't the same. Anyway, I think I shocked her with the biting thing." 

"Why? What'd she do?" 

"Well, she didn't kick my ass out of bed right away, but she wasn't really into it after that and to be honest, I wasn't, either. I couldn't even _do_ anything if she had been." 

"That happens." 

"I know, man, but it's different when your own plumbing refuses the call, you know." 

"Yeah, I do." 

"Yeah?" 

"You can ask Carolyn if you want testimonials." 

"No, thanks, man. I don't want to go through that argument again." He took several long deep breaths before he spoke again, his legs stretching out between Jim's. "Anyway, after that, I couldn't get it out of my mind." 

"You mean the impotence or the biting?" 

"They kind of go together, but, mainly the biting. It was like this huge craving came back all of a sudden. It was like I couldn't control it anymore. Hell, why should my sex life be any different? I couldn't control anything else in my life, either." 

Jim ignored the whole impact of the statement and settled instead on the beginning. "Want to tell me how it all started?" 

Sighing, Blair shrugged, as he drew his knees up slightly. "It's a long story." 

"We've got as long as it takes here." 

"When I was fifteen, I had this girlfriend named Clarissa . She knew just how to piss me off, man, and I mean really piss me off, and she'd do it on purpose. I hated being so angry, but then we'd end up in bed and it was like so intense, pure heat and magic." 

"You were fifteen, Chief. Everything's pure heat at that age." 

"Not like this, Jim. I'm talking the best ever or since." 

"And let me guess, Clarissa enjoyed biting." 

"Yeah. And I liked it even better. It's hard to explain how good it felt, how incredibly fierce it was to have that kind of the release in surrendering to it, to her. In a way, it was like instead of her controlling me, I controlled her. She needed the extra stimulation and blood as much as I did." 

"I'm sure she did." 

"I know she did, man, and that made me feel so connected to her, being able to give it up like that. Even when she wasn't around, I'd just think about us and get off sometimes, but then Naomi found out and got really upset." The muscles in Blair's body tensed against him, his left foot moving up an down his calf in a nervous rhythm. 

"So, what happened?" 

"She saw one of the really bad bites and asked me about it. I don't think I've ever seen her that concerned before, man. She made me go to a doctor and get checked out and made me promise not to do that anymore unless I was more careful. Even asked if I needed to see a therapist, which I didn't." 

"She's your mom, Chief. She was just worried." 

"I know. But it was hard, because I really got off on it. We moved the next month." His voice choked on the words slightly, the memory tightening his body. 

"What about Clarissa?" 

"Fifteen's a fickle age, man. We both moved on. Nobody I ever met after that wanted to do the biting thing except maybe just to try it once or twice, and for the most part that was okay." 

Swallowing hard and drawing up courage, Jim asked, "And what about your male lovers?" 

"Couldn't say. Never had any." The low chuckle tickled the skin on his chest. 

"What?" 

"It's funny, but until you, I never really thought about it, not seriously. Afterwards though you were all I could think about. What about you? Have you been with a man before?" 

Nodding, he stared back across the short list of hungry faces. "A few. None that mattered or lasted." He paused for a moment and then added in a low voice. "I wanted Incacha, but he said I wasn't ready." 

"He refused you?" The words sounded incredulous. 

"Yeah, but he was right." The pause extended until Jim stroked his partner's hair, the curls combing through fingers like silky springs, and nudged him with a whisper. "So, tell me the rest." 

"Well, I was fine for awhile. I didn't seem to need it all the time or with every partner, not until lately." 

"Lately? How lately?" 

"Since Alex." 

"Shit." 

"Yeah, well, anyway, when I started dating Sarah, it wasn't a coincidence that she happened to be into it, too." 

Frowning, puzzled by the confession, Jim asked, "But how did you know that she'd like that?" 

"She was in a friend's Comp class. I was helping him out with a ton of mid-terms and I got turned on just reading her essay. I found out where she worked and asked her out." 

"Shit, Chief." 

"Yeah, I know. I'm a sick bastard." 

"I didn't mean that." 

"What did you mean then?" 

"I just meant, why didn't you tell me?" 

Snorting against his chest, Blair's words lightened. "What did you want me to say, Jim? Hope you had a good day at the station, and, oh, by the way, I'd love you to bite one of my tits when you get a chance?" 

The sudden surge of excitement tightened his spine as he arched up slightly. His cock twinged and he couldn't stop his own shudder of arousal. Pushing away, Blair watched him, his eyebrows going up suddenly with awareness. "Oh, my god, you do like it." 

Flushing with both embarrassment and thrill, he shrugged with a smile. "Well, yeah, I do, actually." 

Shaking his head in amazement, Blair inched closer, his lips nearer. "This is just getting better and better, man." 

Moving a hand to the back of his head, Jim covered his mouth, his tongue probing and the weight of his partner against him. The soft slickness merged with the push, the heat swelling up through his middle as a hand caressed his cheek and stroked his jaw. Pulling back, he whispered, "Better and better, Chief. That's my plan, so get used to it." His eyes softened as he brushed the back of his hand against his face so near his. "Want to try that kissing thing again?" 

"I can do kissing." 

"Then later, I'll check your shoulder." 

Blair shook his head and leaned in. "I give up, man. You're relentless." 

Pressing his mouth over Blair's, he swallowed up the sweet groans of surrender, his craving for more even stronger. 

* * *

"Man, I told you this was a bad idea." 

"Had to be done, Chief." 

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say. You didn't just get your shoulder carved out with what looked like a fucking carving knife and have needles stuck in your ass. Shit." 

Jim grimaced at the image and held back his confession to listening in. "It's six in the morning. We should get the prescriptions filled and go home." 

"Home sounds good." Heading down the hall toward the pharmacy, Blair held his left arm still as they walked. "It's just I knew it needed to be disinfected, but it never occurred to me that it was that bad." 

"That's because you couldn't see. Trust me, it was bad." 

"I know. Three shots, and a ton of blood tests later, I get that. Though I think it's way over reacting for the guy to give me that lecture. God, what a condescending vanilla ass schmuck." 

Jim fought back a smile and lost. "You mean when he told you to think about counseling for your _obviously high risk behavior_?" 

"Yeah, well you didn't see his face when he said it. If his ass were any tighter, he'd be inside out. Doctors are supposed to just fix whatever it is and mind their own damn business, not look you over and decide you're some kind of perv or something." 

"Is that what he was doing?" 

"Felt like it." 

"Well, he's an asshole and you're no more a perv than I am, okay?" 

Blair ignored the comment with a snort before he complained, "You weren't supposed to listen in like that, Jim." He didn't sound too annoyed and kept walking. "I mean, where's the privacy thing gone, man?" 

"Never really had it. I'm a sentinel, remember? Besides, you can give me some tests later to make up for it or something." 

"Or something sounds good." 

As they reached the pharmacy window, Blair handed over the scripts and his health card. Sitting down to wait, the younger man leaned back carefully and closed his eyes. "Man, I'm whipped here." 

"Another kink, Chief? Should we be talking about more counseling in your future?" For the first time since their arrival, the words came out light. 

"Not my flavor, man. Besides, one kink at a time is about all I can handle." Lifting his head again, Blair asked, "Are we still going to the charity thing this afternoon? Because if we are, I'm going to have to get some serious downtime first." 

"Whoa. Wait a minute. You're not playing." 

"What do you mean I'm not playing? I've played for the last two years. Is this about that thing with Grady yesterday?" Blair turned in his chair, his face confused. 

"Be serious. You're in no condition to play, not with your shoulder like this. Besides, you're still running a fever and the doctor told you to rest. Looks like neither of us will be showing off our game." 

"Well, that sucks." 

"I need to call Simon later and warn him both of his star players are going to be benched this year." 

"Or if we're lucky, bedded." 

Flushing, Jim didn't have time to respond before the pharmacist called Blair's name. He watched quietly as his friend picked up his bag of pills and dressings and headed back. "Come on, Jim. I'm tired, and as soon as this lidocaine wears off, I may start screaming and not in a good way, either." 

"Maybe you should take one of the pain pills he gave you." 

"No, thanks. I'm going to go home, go to bed, and wake up feeling my partner." 

"Not if I wake up feeling you first." 

"Competitive petting? Yeah, I like that." 

Smiling, Jim stepped closer and whispered, "Not as much as you're going to like where it leads." 

"Lead away, Jim. I'm right behind you." 

"When it's your turn, Chief. When it's your turn." He headed down the corridor, his partner's heat increased with more than just fever. 

* * *

"God, I can't believe I'm so seriously wasted." Blair sagged down on the sofa as Jim locked the door. 

"We've been up for over twenty-four hours. Might be the reason." 

"Yeah, that could be it." 

Jim pulled out the pill bottles and dressings and read the labels. "Says here, you're supposed to take one of these Keflex three times a day. Want to start the day, Chief?" 

"I just got a shot of antibiotics. I'll start the pills tomorrow." 

"Nope. Says here that you should start today and take them until they're all gone." He filled a glass with water and stepped over to his partner. "And I still think you should take the pain pill. It'll make you sleep better." 

"Jesus, will you stop?" Blair pushed his hair back in frustration, his face pale but shadowed by his unshaved whiskers. 

"What?" 

"Playing nurse and being so damn bossy." 

Jim frowned, sat down, and put the things on the table. Without asking, he reached over and drew Blair closer, the resistance only momentary. "I'm sorry. I know you're tired, but I just want you to get better." 

"I know. I'm a shit sometimes." 

"Yeah, well, that works both ways." 

"Sure does." 

Lifting Blair's face, he pushed back the wispy curls, studying the worried blue eyes staring into his. His voice shook as he spoke, the simple words so heavy with meaning his tongue barely worked. "I love you, and I'm sorry for all the shit I pulled. I hope you know that." 

Nodding, the younger man closed his eyes, his face dropping down and resting on Jim's chest. "I know." Muscles relaxed and Blair swallowed hard, the vibration teasing through his shirt. "I love you, too, but it's still hard to let go sometimes. I'm trying." 

"That's all I need." Relieved, his chin settled on Blair's head. "Go upstairs and get some sleep, Chief. I'm going to call Simon and tell him we won't be able to play later." 

"You could go without me." 

"Not going to happen, so don't even ask." 

Sitting up, Blair rubbed his face and smiled. "God, you're so stubborn." 

"Yeah, well, I think that's definitely one of those 'it takes one to know one' kind of statements. Now, take your pills and go to bed. I'll be up in a minute to tuck you in." Blair laughed as he reached for the water. "What?" 

"This is so not how I pictured it." 

"It?" 

"Our first time in bed together." 

The smile on Jim's face grew dreamy as he stroked Blair's good arm, his fingers drinking in the heat beyond the fabric. "Me, either." 

"You thought about it, too, then?" 

"Sure. There were times when I was afraid I'd wake you up with how hard I was thinking about it." 

"Oh, man." 

Blair's scent of arousal flooded the room, and Jim slid close again to kiss his cheek and lick around the chin, the stubble scratching his tongue. Instead of pain, it charged his gut with new desire. "Blair, we need to get you to bed." 

"You can say that again." 

Growling with limited control, the older man whispered while he nibbled the beautiful ear, the ear without the gold rings he missed so much. "Believe me, we're going to do all the things we both dreamed about, babe, but first, you have to get some sleep." 

"Sleep's highly over rated. I've stayed up for days before." 

"Stop bragging." 

"Oh, man, I want you so bad." His voice husky, he stroked down between his legs, firing up the get to it message, but Jim captured the eager hand before it pressed harder. 

"Sleep first, Chief." 

"Right now, I like babe better." 

"Sleep first, babe." 

"Then what?" 

"The dreams really begin." 

* * *

Jim lay quietly watching Blair sleep, the even rhythm of his breaths counter to the irregular splatters of rain at the window, his chest moving in the dim light of the storm. Settled there, his head propped up on a raised hand, the older man, finished with reviewing the wild changes in his life and focused on the subtle mix of enchantments beside him. Dark curls swirled with every hue of brown, the chestnut fading into the auburn, deep gold edging into tan. They all twisted together, netting the scent that lingered, green tea oil drifting up from the scalp as well as the skin still heated with slight fever. Unscented soaps didn't exist for a sentinel, the barest whiff of ingredient reaching his senses. Not that it mattered. Washed across Blair's skin, it merged with magic, a divining hook that snagged him and forced him to breathe even more deeply, filling his lungs with hunger. 

Lifting his hand, he gently ghosted his fingers just above the face, the push of warm air reassuring, calming his panic that dreams often ended too soon. Unconscioulsy he matched his own breathing to his companion's, his body relaxed, but still on guard for whatever happened. 

A unexpected groan narrowed his attention as Blair shifted, his movement to his side halted abruptly. A quick jerk to waking opened his eyes as he grabbed his arm and shoulder. "Oh, shit." 

He put a hand on his chest, the nipple pressing up through the thin tee-shirt. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. I'm fine." Blair stifled another groan and squeezed his eyes shut. 

"Uh uh. Fine. Sounds like it. Shoulder hurt?" 

"Yeah, a little. Nothing I can't handle. Just moved the wrong way." 

"Then move the right way and let me hold you." 

A smile curled his lips as Blair's eyes opened and met Jim's. He rolled over carefully, allowing the larger man to pull him in closer to his bare chest and keep him there. Jim lowered his face between neck and right shoulder and using his teeth and brute strength, ripped the ring of ribbed cloth to expose his target. His tongue licked first, lips to follow with a kiss. Nuzzling there, he rubbed his whiskers to sand the skin, Blair's quickened breathing and press forward an invitation to continue. Finding just the right spot, he sucked harder, and then relaxed before sucking again, drawing the fold of skin up between narrowed teeth. Tougue teased the flesh as he bit down, the heated flow of blood just the other side of bruised tissue. 

"God, yeah. Right there." Low moans matched urgent movements as Blair rocked, his erection rubbing up against Jim's. Hands grabbed around the larger man's waist and legs gathered power to push even more steady. 

Sweat salted his lips and Jim bit to the limit before breaking the surface, his sentinel senses checking his jaw. He spread his thighs as Blair pumped more at an angle, striking his cock with just enough force to focus tension. Belly muscles tightened, his hips pushed to meet the thrusting and his arms around his partner's chest, keeping his upper body more stable. 

Blood battled to pass through the vein beneath his lips, his teeth restricting the flow, slowing and compressing it to the one spot. The pounding of heartbeat surged up through his tongue, his desire to bite growing stronger. His own musky scent swam up, joined with Blair's heated sex wetting the front of the boxers. Running a hand down between them, he slipped past elastic, capturing his guide's thick erection. Heat pulsed against his palm, the raised vein corded and throbbing. A shudder shook Blair's body as he stroked and increased the pressure of his teeth, his own body bending forward to meet his partner's. 

Eyes squeezed shut, the flashing of red mixed with pounding thunder increased. As Blair fucked his hand, he took a deep breath and bit down, the surge of blood washing his tongue rusty, old nails hammering his brain. A groan and panted prayer came with the hard series of bucks, the spasms jerking his lover's body in a primal arch before coming. 

Need exploded his thoughts, Blair's lifeforce feeding into his body. Communion with his guide swelled every cell, a merging of both flesh and spirit. His mind collapsed and reformed, his image of two forces joined as one channeled through his spine down to his groin. Balls drew up, drawing love and passion together, his starvation ended with a flash of blood and semen. 

His head fell back, mouth crimsom as release became power, paralysis transformed to pure electric pleasure, the sizzle charring his brain and singing his bones. Air wheezed into narrowed lungs, and he fell back, drawing his mate against him, light fading to pinpoints and flutters. Nothing existed beyond sentinel and guide and the blood bond between them. 

Solid weight settled over the top of his body, bent legs between his. Hands caressed his cheeks, holding his face still while gentle kisses stole his reason again. A hungry tongue carefully licked around his lips, his teeth, and across his gums. Body trembling, he opened his eyes just as Blair pulled back, red still running from the wound and staining the edge of his torn tee-shirt. Carefully, he reached out and used his fingers to smear it across flesh. Raising them to his own mouth, he tasted the rush of life's haunting flavor. He captured the back of his guide's head, his fingers twined with dark curls, and drew him down closer. "Do that again." 

"God, I love you." Without hesitation, Blair's mouth covered his, the tongue sweeping and probing, the subtle suction like a slow squeeze to his heart, dragging every nerve up from darkness. Moans echoed inside him as his lungs betrayed him, demanding attention. Reluctantly, his partner stopped and let his head rest in the crook of Jim's neck while the older man gulped to feed on stubborn pale air. 

"Sweet Jesus, Chief." 

"The body and blood." 

"What?" 

"Communion. It's the body and the blood that connects us to the spirit." 

"I don't believe this." 

"What?" 

"We're seriously kinked here." 

"No worse than millions every Sunday." Snuggling in closer, Blair teased circles between Jim's nipples, his voice softer. "Do you regret it?" 

"I loved it. I love you." 

"Then it's cool." 

The whisper of heat through sweat damp cloth pulled at his attention, but he blinked several times to refocus. "Chief?" 

"Yeah?" 

He hated asking, but he had to. "Did you ever do that with anyone else, you know, the blood thing?" 

"Never. You?" 

"Never even thought about it. Biting sure, but this was different. I couldn't help it." A flash of scarlet hunger swelled up in his mind and then settled, thin puffs of ruby light seeding his soul with his lover's favor. "So, are we okay here? I mean, really okay?" 

Doing a quick lift up, Blair looked down into his face and touched his cheek. "We're better than okay, Jim. My blood was part of you and I shared it. There's an oath between us now, a connection." 

"Is it enough?" 

"It's everything if we want it to be." 

"I want it, Chief. I want you." His hands stroked up strong arms as he watched the sincere words mist his lover's forgiving eyes. 

Lying back down, Blair nestled closer, his palm over Jim's heart, his voice hushed. "I've always been yours, Jim. Even when you didn't know it." 

Embracing his guide, Jim drank in the wealth of promise flowing through his flesh. Closing his eyes, their mingled blood nourished his body and renewed his faith. Conviction sheltered him from doubts, his fears ranting on the other side of the walls sustained by the chalice of his true religion, Sentinel and Guide and the holy ghost of their union. 

The End 


End file.
